Writer Julie Duffy trains email marketers and entrepreneurs in storytelling secrets from the world of fiction and film, so you can create marketing emails and scripts that connect with your audience, week after week, even if you've struggled with writing in the past. Get the Email Marketing Storytelling Guide now.
The "Wet Cement" Email
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I scared some of you, last week, with my predictions about how AI will make reading email even less interesting than it is today, so today I wanted to share the good news. You can write in an engaging way, with a few simple pointers (that you won’t get from AI). Here’s an example from one of my students, proving that humans are better than AI at writing. Jo's EmailJo and her husband Derek teach people how to work with their horses so that everybody is having a good time – rider and horse ( a methodology that’s more unusual than you might think!) Jo told me that she dreaded writing and that ‘English was my worst subject at school’. But she was willing to let me convince her that she could find and tell stories in her emails. Here’s the opening of an email Jo sent, after working with me: Subject: The Secret to a More Forward Horse
“I feel like I’m pushing a wheelbarrow full of wet cement uphill”
Hey Julie, If you’ve ever had the experience of trying your hardest to get some quality flatwork done in the school but your horse is about as forward as a slug, then you’re not alone.
It doesn’t matter that a couple of days ago, when you were out hacking on the trails with friends, he was full of energy and enthusiasm and you thought “Oh wow, my horse just loves this!".
Now that joie de vivre has vanished, replaced by what appears to be boredom and laziness. It's as though your horse is saying, "Schooling? Nah, just not my thing, thank you very much Mum!"
I’ve been there too (it's Jo here...) At dressage competitions my beautiful Perry would sparkle in the warm-up, with all the other horses, and I’d be thinking “Oooh, this is going to be a good one!” and then the moment we entered the competition arena and started our test, he’d clam up and I’d be pushing that heavy wheelbarrow again.
Alongside a disappointing score, I'd get comments like “lovely horse, just needs to be more forward”.
Arrrrgh - the frustration!
This email leads into an invitation to click through to read a solution, in a post at DerekandJo.com. It’s the perfect nurturing, authority-building email. It using storytelling techniques to get you to imagine yourself in an idyllic situation, then to share the experience of it all turning sour. Can you imagine an AI coming up with something as personality-filled (wet-cement, anyone?) and empathetic? And in case you’re intimidated, remember: Jo’s worst subject at school was English! The AI VersionJust for kicks, here’s the version that ChatGPT wrote after I gave it all the relevant information from Jo’s email. Subject: Is Your Horse Feeling a Bit Lethargic in Dressage?
Dear Julie,
I hope this email finds you and your horse in good spirits! Today, I want to talk about a common challenge many of us face in the dressage arena—getting our horses to be more forward.
I remember vividly the early days of competing with my horse, Jasper.
In our training sessions, he felt electric, responsive, and eager to show off everything we’d practiced.
But as soon as we entered the competition ring, it was like a switch flipped.
The judges would often comment, “Lovely horse, just needs to be more forward.”
I’d leave the arena feeling frustrated, knowing he had the potential but couldn’t quite tap into it when it mattered most.
After many competitions, I realized that Jasper’s lack of forwardness wasn’t just about his physical abilities—it was about our connection and communication.
This experience taught me invaluable lessons about understanding what our horses need to feel confident and energized, especially when the pressure is on.
👉 Read the full article here
YAWN!!!!! It reads like every other fake-friendly sales ‘story’ email ever written. Because that’s how ChatGPT learns to write. You, on the other hand–like Jo–have stories, and an actual personality you could be using in your emails. (Apologies if you already are doing this. I got on my high, um, horse about this!) Agree? Disagree? Hit ‘reply’ and let me know if you’d have read all the way through the ChatGPT version or if you’d rather see the rest of Jo’s ‘wet cement’ email! Julie P. S. I'm going to be running another workshop soon on how to use the Five-Sentence Story Structure to tell stories in your content, and grab your audience's attention. Interested? Join the waitlist Julie Duffy |
Julie Duffy
Writer Julie Duffy trains email marketers and entrepreneurs in storytelling secrets from the world of fiction and film, so you can create marketing emails and scripts that connect with your audience, week after week, even if you've struggled with writing in the past. Get the Email Marketing Storytelling Guide now.
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